Eliana Marie :: 3 Years & 8 Months

Hey, stranger! It's been a hot minute since I've written on here. While I was putting Ellie to sleep tonight, though, I had a huge urge to get all of this out somewhere. So here we are.

Rocking Ellie to sleep has made me more and more emotional these last few weeks. If you know me, that may sound shocking. I've been trying so hard to soak up every ounce of her as she is right now and the routine we have. She brushes her teeth while I get her diffuser ready and turn her sound machine on. Then, we go in her room to the chair and she lays in my lap with her bunny, we say a prayer, I sing "Wheels On the Bus", and I stroke her hair as we rock just a few minutes more. I'll carry her over to her bed and she asks, "Can you lay with me for a minute?" every single time.

This is my favorite part of every day. I wrap my arms around her and pull her as close to me as I can. She rests her tiny, warm hands on top of mine. I smell her hair, her skin, her perfectly stinky, little breath. I love it all. Before I get up, I tell her how much I love her and she turns her head toward me, closes her eyes as she puts her forehead to mine, and in her perfect, tiny voice she says "I love you so much, Mommy."

Nothing instantly brings me to tears like thinking how badly I want to bottle it all up and wishing she could stay at this age forever. What a privilege it is to have a child, teach them about life, watch them grow and to witness all the things that bring them joy. But it's incredibly heartbreaking at the same time to want to freeze time so badly so they stay little forever.

Moms, I know you're right there with me and you feel all of this too.

In my next blog post, I'll be sharing about my new Word of the Year and my goals I have that maybe you have, too. One of those is to just BE with Ellie more, in every phase she's in. I want to take more pictures. And I'm currently learning video because in 5, 10, 20 years, I really think those will be more precious to me.

While I was laying with her tonight and tears running down my cheeks because I wanted her to stay this small forever, I thought to myself... Who says I can't freeze time right now? I have a device that allows me to literally freeze time. Why am I not carrying it around with me everywhere? I can document every moment if I want to and look at them everyday, forever. So that's exactly what I'm going to do.

I get to choose every moment that I want to stay.

I also want to start journaling more on here––the vacations we take, the adventures we have, the mundane, the great, and everything in-between.

I miss every phase Ellie has as soon as it's gone. I want this to be a place that I can show her years from now so she can see everything we did together, what she was like as a little girl, the outfits she put together herself, and how we do our best to give her the best life she possibly can. I want us to remember her characteristics as they change, her silly/serious faces, her favorite outfits...everything.

And I'm starting now!


Ellie at 3 Years & 8 Months old:

  • Baby girl, you are SO smart. We can have full conversations, and I love watching your mind work. You pick up new words so quick. And you never forget when I promise you a cookie after lunch.

  • You love when we do school work in your classroom downstairs. You're really good at recognizing numbers and letters. Your favorite number is 22.

  • The very second you wake up, you must put on a dress (for some reason you love the ones that are too small and can't where anywhere else), your "sparkly shoes" (because without them, how can you be a princess?!), and your headband (that's too big but you don't mind).

  • You basically live on peanut butter toast, Ramen soup, PB&J, and french fries. You get your extreme pickiness from Nana and I.

  • Since it's winter, we brought up your tricycle and you ride it around the house all day long. You call it "Spirit", which is your current favorite show.

  • You (hopefully unintentionally) scowl at anyone and everyone. They all think it's hilarious thankfully. You're very shy but I don't think that's a bad thing. It takes you a while to warm up to people (especially men) but once you do, they're your best friends and you remember everything about them.

  • I love you so much it hurts. I love our lazy days at home together. I love that you love to come in the ministry with me. I love that you cuddle with me for a few minutes when I ask. And how you're always handing out hugs and kisses. I'll never get enough.

Love you always,